Brett Hamil is a writer, comedian, and cartoonist who lives on the South End of Seattle with his wife, kid, and two ancient dogs. He co-produces a twice-monthly comedy show on Beacon Hill, Joketellers Union at the Clock-Out Lounge. You can buy some of his comics here.

Past cartoons:

Ju/y/August 2024. By Brett Hamil

May / June 2024 by Brett Hamil

May 2024 By Brett Hamil

May / June 2024

Jan / Feb 2024 by Brett Hamil

November / Decemeber 2023

September/October 2023

Brett Hamil May 2023

May / June 2023

November 2022 / Brett Hamil

September/October 2022.

By Brett Hamil

May/June 2022

March/April 2022

September/October 2021

July/August 2021

May/June 2021

March/April 2021

More on the lighter side:

Parenting advice and humor from author KJ Dell’Antonia

The post ‘You’d Cry Too’: Parenting humor by Seattle’s Brett Hamil appeared first on Seattle's Child.

Just a few months ago, Apple TV+ launched the Slumberkins television show, featuring the company’s popular furry creatures and developed in partnership with The Jim Henson Co. And this month they were included on Inc.’s Female Founders 200 list, a prestigious list of women business owners known for “challenging the status quo and tackling some of the world’s biggest problems.” Through the use of cuddly character stuffies, storybooks, affirmations, and suggested moments of connection, Slumberkins works to help parents and kids talk about and normalize feelings and emotions.

Humbled by honor

“As moms and educators, we are grateful and humbled every day to be able to provide tools families use in their homes to create more meaningful interactions with their children,” said Christensen. “We have always felt like we were redefining what it looked like to be entrepreneurs. To be named on Inc.’s top female founders validates the work we’re doing to support families and caregivers in raising the next generation of children.” 

An industry-changing company

Inc. Editor Scott Omelianuk had high praise for listees: “These founders have identified solutions to difficult problems and created valuable, industry-changing companies out of them.” Learn more at slumberkins.com.

More at Seattle’s Child:

The big change at Seattle’s Baby Diaper Service

Car Culture: Anthony Schmidt’s amazing images

The post A good year for Slumberkins appeared first on Seattle's Child.

According to the Seattle Department of Neighborhoods program website the name “P-Patch” commemorates the Picardo family who operated a truck farm in the Wedgwood area in the early twentieth century. In the early 1970s, the family let a neighbor use a portion of their property to start a community garden to grow food for people impacted by the economic recession. The community garden space was initially managed by Puget Consumers Co-op (now PCC Community Markets). The experiment was so successful that the Picardos eventually sold the remainder of the farm to the City of Seattle, becoming the city’s first P-Patch.

Today, the P-Patch Program has grown to serve more than 3,500 households in 91 gardens located in neighborhoods throughout Seattle. True to its origins, the P-Patch program continues to grow food for those in need and focuses on supporting low-income and historically underserved community members.

How do you get a P-Patch plot? It’s easy, although patience is the name of the game. Here’s what to do:

Step 1: Learn.

Become familiar with the program and P-Patch Interest List seattle.gov/neighborhoods/p-patch-gardening. P-Patches are available to Seattle residents only. 

Step 2:

Pick out two gardens you’d like to join from the website’s P-Patch Map. 

Step 3: Sign Up.

Either register on the P-Patch interest list online or call (206) 684-0264, press 1, and provide your name, address, zip code, phone, email and whether you belong to any group underserved by the program: Black or African American, Indigenous/Native, Latinx or Hispanic, households making 30% or below Seattle area median income, immigrants or refugees, or people who need an accessible garden.

Step 4: Wait for an opening.

Plot openings typically occur between January and June. But, don’t expect it to happen in the same year you apply. It can happen, but it’s rare.

More at Seattle’s Child:

Kids in the garden: Find the right plant and task for their age

The post P-Patch 50th Anniversary: How to snag one appeared first on Seattle's Child.

For kids moving toward or through adolescence, music can feel as essential as breath. Consider Easy Street for this reason: If you bundle a wide range of music with a tasty breakfast, you might just get some great table conversation? And this is why the this stop in the heart of West Seattle is a popular breakfast stop for tween, teens and a whole lot of parents, too.

On the cafe side, you’ll find an expansive menu of delicious breakfast dishes, with fitting music-oriented names: the “James Browns” hash browns are crispy and loaded, the Blueberry Hill Hotcakes really rock and you and your kids may just write your own rap about the Notorious B&G biscuits and gravy. 

More at Seattle’s Child:

The Boat: Imagine one main dish in a restaurant

Tilth Community Kitchens create just that — community

The post A well-recorded breakfast: Easy Street Records & Cafe appeared first on Seattle's Child.

She didn’t want to hate on Raffi. Really, she didn’t. He seemed like a lovely person. He sang cheerful, singable songs about teddy bear hugs. He was an anti-war activist. He had a loyal fan base all over the world who had bought more than 15 million of his records. She tried so hard not to despise him, but in the end, she just couldn’t take it.

They were driving to a cabin to go cross-country skiing in Winthrop. Five hours in a snowstorm, over icy mountain passes, with only one CD in the car, and a cranky toddler in the backseat. And as soon as the song stopped, the screaming would begin.

“I want Baby Beluga! I want Baby Beluga! Baby Beluga! Baby Beluga! BABY BELUUUUUUUGAAAAAAA!!!!”

Time and again, she found herself giving in. She pressed the repeat button, and the song would come on, and another clump of cells in her cerebral cortex would shrivel up into a tiny, coagulated, beluga-shaped scab.

Finally, somewhere on the interstate a few miles outside of Chelan, she came to terms with the inescapable truth: you can’t negotiate with terrorists. She yanked the CD out of the car stereo, opened the window and sent it flying like a tiny UFO out into the blinding snow. For all she knows, it’s still out there, like a cursed monkey paw, lying in wait to terrorize the next unsuspecting parent who picks it up, pops it into their stereo and presses play. 

Another friend of mine once showed me his favorite chapter in his favorite parenting book. The entire chapter read as follows:

Chapter 8: Children’s Music

Why?

Why, indeed? When I was a kid, most of my early music exposure came from my brother, Todd. He was three years older than I, and hung out with kids who had their own stereos. He used to save up his allowance and babysitting money to buy records – 45 rpm singles at first, and then whole albums. When he wasn’t around, I’d play them (he would have killed me if he’d caught me) and they planted the seeds that would form my musical tastes for the rest of my life. 

He started with the Beatles and the Monkeys. Then it was James Taylor, Joni Mitchell and Carole King. In high school, he discovered Marvin Gaye and Earth, Wind and Fire, and by the time he graduated, it was Kieth Jarret and John Coltrane. I still listen to all of those artists today, on Spotify instead of a scratchy album or 45, and I expect I’ll do so for the rest of my life.

My partner Jess has a similar story with classical music. She grew up in a house full of Chopin nocturnes and Schubert impromptus. The music of her childhood plays in our house every day, trading off with the soundtrack of mine. 

Which makes me wonder, what foundation are we laying for our children’s musical taste? What are the chances they’ll be rocking out to Baby Beluga four or five decades from now?

I shouldn’t badmouth all kids’ music. There are a few performers who bring something that actually resembles musicianship to the scene. Check out Recess Monkey, a band of three Seattle teachers who manage to entertain both kids and adults without insulting either. Sadly, though, they’re the exception that proves the rule. 

I don’t think you need to fling all your Raffi CD’s out the car window (unless, of course, that’s your thing). I just think we should introduce our kids, right from the beginning, to music we really love. And that same principle applies to more than music. Just because they like McDonald’s, can’t they develop a taste for great gumbo, too? Even though they love video games, does that mean they won’t love kick-the-can?  Our job is to do more than give them the stuff that the childhood industrial complex is marketing to their demographic. Our job is to introduce them to the wonderful things in the world.

Say yes to Bob Marley. Say yes to The Talking Heads. Say yes to the Goldberg Variations.

Just say no to Baby Shark. 

More at Seattle’s Child:

The PEPS stretch

The post Dad Next Door: Just Say No appeared first on Seattle's Child.

“COVID was isolating for Baker,” Dodge says. “He didn’t have many chances to make many new friends.” He’s not alone. Lots of kids lost social skills practice during the pandemic.

Then one day, while visiting Woodland Park, Dodge’s heart soared as she watched her son walk up to another child and ask, simply, “Will you be my friend today so we can play?” 

Seeing the two kids hit it off, Dodge asked the parent of the other child for their contact information and followed through by inviting them to a second playdate. 

It’s not complicated

“With the pandemic, he just hadn’t gotten to practice in a social setting,” Dodge explains. 

“Something about that exchange made me realize as adults we complicate things too much. So I decided to make a conscious effort to help Baker build his community. We are putting some real intention around it.”

What does that intention look like? It’s as simple as Baker’s question on the playground.  

“We’re taking that same energy and we’re modeling it by reaching out to other parents by text and asking ‘Will you play with us today?’” says Dodge. “It’s just as easy as that.” 

It’s about him

Dodge says she and Baker’s other parent are specific in their goal. It isn’t about expanding their own parent network, or the whole family’s, but specifically about growing Baker’s friend circle. 

“When my daughter was little, we had the PEPS group and friends with children of a similar age but it wasn’t specifically about finding peers for her, it was really about building our own community,” says Dodge. “This is different. It’s all about him.”

The friendship project rules

Rule one: Baker’s parents, who live in different homes, first agreed that if one couldn’t take him to a playdate or social event, the other would step in if at all possible.

Rule two: Next, they agreed to use texting as their central way of communicating with other parents and each other about potential playdates. When sending a playdate text, they include the other parents to all in the loop. 

Rule three: They strive to make “new friend” playdates simple. “It’s much easier to say yes when it’s something like meeting up right at the school bell or grabbing just 30 minutes to play at a neighborhood park.”

Once a friendship has blossomed, complex playdates may come into the picture. “But for actually making friends” says Dodge, “removing the pressure and question of whose house to go to and the need for a grand plan in our already overscheduled lives has worked best.” 

What they did

With those agreements in place, Baker’s parents encouraged him to practice his friendship skills by approaching kids he was interested in playing with, just as he had at Woodland Park. From there, they step in to:

• approach the child’s parent about a potential follow-up playdate
• collect parent contact information 
• make it a priority to follow through with a group text and invitation 

Second playdates are always at a public place, a park, or another kid-friendly space. If it goes well, the next step might be an in-home playtime. 

Playdates don’t have to be complicated, Dodge stresses: “We have discovered the no-fail, 30-minute, all-ages hangout: ice cream and a walk!”

Meeting the goal

The results of the Baker friend-making action plan speak for themselves. At age 6, he now has a growing core of friends and hangs out with them outside of school two or three times a week. His friendship confidence has grown and his anxiety has decreased. 

“He feels a sense of belonging and like he has more buddies,” Dodge says. 

Dodge stresses that she does not dictate which kids Baker approaches to offer a hand of friendship.

The widest circle

“I used to want there to be a good connection between the parents and myself, too,” Dodge says. “But now I really just try to let that part go and focus on allowing Baker to build bonds with whomever HE wants to. There is a real benefit in just letting the child choose whom they want to play with and being totally open to any family.”

They make it a point to go to parks outside their neighborhood.

“I think people can be a little snobby or standoffish. But real communities are diverse,” Dodge says. “Real community is not just ‘We’re hanging only with the kids in our class, or only with the kids in our grade, or only with the kids who live in the neighborhood.’ It’s important for us to reach out to anybody and everybody our child feels inspired to connect with. That diversity is important.”

More at Seattle’s Child:

Navigating friendships in a digital world

Parental control: does monitoring work? 

Playing Catch-up on social and friend skills

The post How to help your your child make friends appeared first on Seattle's Child.

Community Kitchens

Each month, Community Kitchen meals are held at Rainier Beach Urban Farm & Wetlands. Local residents join the Tilth Alliance staff and a professional guest chef in the facility’s kitchen and together they create a delicious meal using fresh, seasonal food — much of it grown on-site at the farm. 

Marcus Henderson and his partner Stephanie, operators of Black Star Farmers, brought their toddler to Community Kitchen events. 

“We’ve had a wonderful time introducing our baby to lovingly cooked cuisines from all over the world,” said Stephanie in 2023. “Kindred — with their two teeth at the time — worked their way through the roasted beets, candied carrots, and wild rice at the Taste the Rainbow event last June. They even had their first taste of sweet, since mama couldn’t resist sharing a bite of Daniella’s blue corn cake with vegan buttercream chamoy frosting! 

“Most memorable for mama was the Korean chef in July, who brought shaved ice with the best toppings. This hit so close to home for me as a Chinese person who loves 刨冰 (bào bīng) — and was perfect in the sweltering heat of summer,” Stephanie added.

Tuesday Talaga, the guest chef,
serves Kathleen Gaceta
and her son Camden. Photo by Joshua Huston

Themed and diverse menus

Community Kitchen menus center around a theme, and while all are educational, sustainable, and nutritious, they’re also meant to be celebratory. Lunar New Year, Soul Food, Ramadan, and Pride-themed “Taste the Rainbow” dinners have all been served at the farm. Foods from diverse cultures feature prominently; past events have featured Filipino, Korean, and Indian cuisines and cultures. It’s all part of the organization’s effort to educate individuals and families about seasonal eating, food sustainability, food equity, and nutrition. 

The benefits of participating in shared food experiences go beyond a full belly – they support physical and mental well-being, too. According to research conducted by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, children who ate with their families most frequently were less likely to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, or use marijuana. 

Better health outcomes

Hospitals around the country, including Seattle Children’s, encourage families to dine together regularly to promote better health outcomes. 

Massachusetts General Hospital’s Family Dinner Project is one of the best known family mealtime programs in the nation and advocates there offer tips for parents about everything from navigating family dinners, to sports nutrition for kids, to family-friendly recipes. Seattle Children’s Spring 2022 issue of Good Growing also pointed out: “Family meals offer a natural way to practice life skills like responsibility and teamwork — from helping with meal planning, grocery shopping and preparation to setting the table and cleaning up afterward.”

Getting away from unhealthy trends

According to Tilth Alliance Community Education Director Chris Hoffer, Community Kitchen meals offer families a chance to slow down, learn, and work together in the kitchen. And it allows them to get away from damaging eating trends for at least one meal a month.

“Unfortunately, we live in a larger society that is dominated by fast, cheap, and highly processed food that exploits the earth, the people growing the food, and the people consuming the food,” Hoffer says. “This has led to an epidemic of chronic disease and disconnect from nourishing food cultures.” 

A chance to come together in the kitchen

Hoffer recognizes finding opportunities to move into the kitchen together can be challenging for families.

“There really aren’t that many opportunities these days for folks to cook and eat together, so Community Kitchen meals are unique in providing those spaces,” Hoffer says. “Whether for the cooks or the people enjoying the meals, it creates a space to share food stories and traditions and build community through that. We hope to offer a welcoming space where neighbors can meet other neighbors, with intergenerational learning opportunities that embrace the rich food cultures of Rainier Beach.”

During a typical event, people arrive early to prepare the meal. Throughout the day, there are family-friendly activities such as arts and crafts, gardening activities, and cultural performances. After the meal is served, volunteers help with cleanup.

Encompassing the Tilth Alliance mission

Community Kitchen relies on the Alliance’s farm-to-table and market programs, which have extensive networks with local farmers. The organization is committed to using foods grown in ways that are respectful of the earth, farmers, and farmworkers. Whenever possible, they use what’s growing seasonally at Rainier Beach Urban Farm and augment with ingredients grown by local BIPOC farmers.  

“When we use the term ‘community kitchen,’ we’re simply referring to any place or program where community members gather to cook, eat, and share the experience of food together,” Hoffer added.

“Really, it’s about nourishing the community through growing, cooking, sharing, and eating food together in Rainier Beach.” 

Get Involved

Space fills quickly, so sign your family up early to attend Tilth Alliance’s FREE Community Kitchen events or to volunteer for an event.

Beyond Community Kitchen meals, families are welcome to visit the 10-acre Rainier Beach Urban Farm & Wetlands, which is owned by Seattle Parks and Recreation and managed by Tilth Alliance in collaboration with Friends of Rainier Beach. Pick produce from the free designated U-Pick areas, or purchase produce from the pay-what-you-can farmstand year-round.

More at Seattle’s Child:

“What’s happening on Health Kids Day?”

Bake up some whole grains; Kids need them!

The post Tilth Alliance Community Kitchens build connection appeared first on Seattle's Child.

Seattle author Anne Phyfe Palmer, yoga pioneer and mom has created a beautiful and compelling journaling tryptic with the release of the latter earlier this year. 

Keepsake-oriented, “My Baby’s Book” is the third journal created by Palmer and published by Seattle-based Sasquatch books. It joins “This Life of Mine” published in 2019 and “This Family of Ours” in 2021 in providing ample space and prompts to explore one’s own life, the life of one’s family and a child’s first few years of life. 

By the time parents have completed this baby history, they’ll have a collection of photos and other memorabilia from pregnancy on that will bring them right back to the thrilling if challenging moments of early parenthood. Equally important, they’ll have a book of their personal reflections on those experiences, written memories, and shared stories from their child’s earliest years. It’s a wonderful and, at 144 pages, full picture of their child’s entry into the world to offer them down the road.  Like Palmer’s other two journals, “My Baby’s Book” is grounded in the bold colors and intricate work of papercut artist Sarah Trumbauer throughout.

This book alone would make a great baby shower gift. However, as someone whose own baby book and family history documents were thin and uninformative, I suggest using or giving the three books together to create a family history set. 

“This Life of Mine” journal inspires parents to record the unique details and stories of their own individual lives (You’ll want to get two so you can both fill one out). “This Family of Ours” looks at the family as a whole and captures the stories and details of all family members and their life together.

Order “My Baby Book” ($22.95), “This Life of Mine” ($19.95), and “This Family of Ours” ($19.95) from sasquatchbooks.com. Also available from other booksellers.

More at Seattle’s Child:

“KCLS’ Best Books of 2022”

Check out the Seattle’s Child Book Corner

The post Capture a family’s history in 3 journals appeared first on Seattle's Child.

Gaming for friends

What helps put a child back on the friend-making, social skill-building track? Seattle-based nonprofit Game to Grow has one proven answer: facilitated role-playing games. 

Think Minecraft. And, yes, that good ol’ relic of 1970s geekdom and now Hollywood blockbuster, Dungeons & Dragons. 

It turns out there’s a lot more to these fantastical character-creation games than meets the eye. 

Minecraft play. Image courtesy Mojang / Xbox.

Game to Grow

Game to Grow collaborated with the nonprofit education research group Foundry10 to study the impact of imagination-centered role-playing games on critical skills development in youth, particularly in the areas of conflict resolution, emotional self-regulation, assertiveness and social interaction. The report was published in 2023.

Says Jennifer Rubin, a Foundry 10 senior researcher, “I would like all parents to understand the place that role-playing games have in terms of allowing young people to learn how to handle conflict and other challenges, and to take the perspectives of others while asserting their own ideas. 

Creative sandbox

“When facilitated, these types of games offer a ‘creative sandbox,’ a safe place for young players to practice these skills without undue consequences,” Rubin says.

During the study, Rubin and her colleagues observed and supported a group of 6th- and 7th graders as they navigated the challenges of a role-playing game. 

“Investigators were able to see and hear the changes participants went through while playing — how their communication and collaboration skills improved over time,’’ says Rubin.

Study findings

Parents were also asked to weigh in about changes they saw in their kids during the study. Among other things, the study found that:

• the guidance and support of game facilitators was critical for youth skill development;
• interpersonal conflict during play can be productive in skill development; and
• with guidance, young players demonstrate introspection and reflect on teamwork and individual strengths and weaknesses.

It’s about communication and more

Game to Grow’s mission reflects that evidence. The organization exists to connect kids with opportunities to learn and grow through role-playing games.

“It’s not about buying the game and turning kids loose,”  Game to Grow co-founder Adam Davis stresses. “It’s about designing games that encourage role-playing and communication and then facilitating the play to optimize learning.” 

Facilitated play is key

Games have the power to improve players’ lives, Davis says, and that power is increased when they take an informed approach to the game and receive feedback from a trained facilitator. 

Along with Minecraft, Game to Grow facilitates Critical Core, a role-playing game designed as an alternative to traditional social skills training programs. The game invites kids to enter a fantasy world where they build confidence, develop resilience and connect with family and friends – all while having fun. 

Game to Grow is working to expand young players’ access to facilitated play. Facilitators encourage players to stretch themselves in choosing a character, invite them to try on different “ways of being,” and support players in being the best people they can be. Success in these things, says Davis, can have lifelong effects. Research indicates that the strengths developed while playing a role will often be carried over into the “real lives” of young people.

Game to Grow started as a for-profit business but always offered a sliding scale to make it easier for kids of all income levels to play in a facilitated setting. Grants now allow the organization to offer sessions particularly designed for marginalized youth, including LGBTQ+ and kids in the foster care system. 

“We want to provide access for those youth who have no champion,” Davis says, “and we don’t refuse service as long as we have capacity.” 

Facilitation not therapy

While the organization facilitates growth through play, it does not provide clinical therapy to players. If serious issues arise, facilitators refer youth elsewhere for assessment. 

Davis hopes to see role-playing games in local schools and eventually as part of the broader educational system. Social and emotional learning through role-playing can be of benefit to all kids during critical developmental stages, he stresses, not just kids who feel isolated. 

The bottom line, proponents of role-play gaming as a health tool say, is this: Making role-playing games, and the skills they engender, available to a wider swath of youth can only have a positive effect on families and communities. For more information, visit gametogrow.org

More at Seattle’s Child:

Navigating friendships in a digital world

Parental control: does monitoring work? 

Playing Catch-up on social and friend skills

The post Building worlds of connections appeared first on Seattle's Child.

Zoe Song and her son Ozy.

Zoe Song

My 11-year-old currently does not have digital media or a device and does constantly ask for a phone because of the peer pressure of his classmates who all have devices and/or smartwatches.

We are holding that line [until high school, age 14 or 15] because social media has direct negative impacts on emotional and mental health, including increased suicidal ideation. I do believe it has been isolating for my son [not to have access] because he feels embarrassed for not having a device like his friends and classmates and he doesn’t understand why. 

I think social media impacts self-image and confidence. Constantly comparing yourself to others’ ideal selves can result in depression in all forms, especially if you don’t yet have the ability to recognize boundaries, emotional cues, or the difference between when things are serious and not so serious. Developing a filter to navigate the internet and all its content takes growing up and experience. 

I will say, his school-administered laptops have access to YouTube, which has been a vortex of sometimes inappropriate content and time. For his ADHD brain, YouTube is addictive. And how do we even know at this point how much YouTube is costing us as parents? I think it’s an iceberg, and there is so much underneath we can’t see yet.

It’s such an interesting culture we live in, where we have all this technology to help us communicate and connect. And yet we have dissolved behind the veil of chat, pings, email, likes, and so on. Where is the value of face-to-face conversation? Here lies the impact: because of the lack of face-to-face and voice-to-voice, we lose our authenticity and ability to connect.

Diana Cherry’s gang.

Diana Cherry

If I could, I would not give my kids access to smartphones until high school or maybe even college. I think kids play for longer, spend more time outdoors, and engage in more creative activities when they fill their time with more tactile, experiential activities. Half the activities I did as a teen, like playing guitar or drawing in my sketchbook, I did because I was bored. 

I have four kids, ages 16, 14, 12, and 10. None of them had access to most social media until recently. My middle schooler does not have a smartphone and I have no immediate plans to get her one. But, with my oldest kids, I caved by 7th grade. I saw the negative impact it was having on them not to be able to communicate with their peers in the most socially acceptable way: Smartphones. My oldest, 16, just started using Instagram, and my oldest two have had limited access to Pinterest since about 8th grade.

My partner and I have told both of our older kids that we would support them if they wanted Instagram or TikTok, but have also warned them about the research indicating how negatively social media impacts teen girls’ mental health. They both made the choice not to start using those platforms until recently and I know we are lucky we had their buy-in.

At the end of the day, I am extremely concerned about our young people and the impact of social media on their mental and emotional well-being. I think knowing that many of the designers of these programs limit or ban access to them for their own kids is telling. However, I don’t think one medium can be blamed for all of society’s problems — social media just highlights many of the broader issues we need to address as a culture: misogyny, racism, the climate crisis, and so on. I don’t believe our kids are sad because of pretty pictures on Instagram, they’re sad because of the very big, very scary problems in our world. Problems that are magnified by social media but not caused by it.

I think teens today “case the joint” by looking at other teens’ social accounts and determining whether they might get to know each other better based on what they see. I understand this. When we first moved to this area, I did something similar to meet new people.

Unfortunately, the way someone comes across on social media is not necessarily the same as who they are. Regardless, I think our teens understand on an intuitive level that how they present on these platforms determines a lot about their social lives, for better or for worse. For teens and tweens like my kids, with limited social media participation, I think they feel the impact of that on their potential social relationships in “real” life.

My hunch is that most kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They know something is missing from online-only interactions but they also know so much is riding on how they present themselves in those spaces. I also think they’re savvy enough to understand the potential. For instance, young people have done groundbreaking work to improve access to social situations for neurodivergent and disabled kids. So, it’s not all bad.

I just think we as a society are going to have to put social media in its rightful place and downgrade its importance in shaping our social lives. I’m hopeful we’ll get there without losing some of the awesome ways technology has broadened our ability to connect across our varying needs. 

One of my kids struggles to make friends and I do wonder if that’s because she’s not on “the market” online. She wonders about that, too, and views it as a space where her friends have had the benefit of experimenting with their identities in a less personal way. I can see that as a “plus” in some ways. It’s tricky because I think social media feels safer than in-person interactions to our kids. But the consequences of what they post online have longer-lasting impacts than anything embarrassing they might say or do in person.

Jessica Vammen with her daughter.

Jessica Vammen

 I have a 10-year-old 5th grader and a 2nd grader. Neither has a phone or any access to social media. The only computer access they have is their school computer. So far, not having a phone hasn’t been a problem outside of the fact that they want one. They can see their friends at school, after-school activities, and so on. I let them give out my number to friends and call if needed just like we used to call the landline or home phone. 

I post fewer than five times a year. Despite that, they are very interested in looking and reading over my shoulder any chance they get. That strong desire to look and know what I’m looking at makes me concerned about how they will handle it when they get older. 

We did get them Gizmo watches this year for communication and safety. It allows them to call or text approved contacts. This has worked well, but honestly, they don’t wear them much. I don’t mind them being able to communicate with family or friends. 

I don’t have any interest in allowing them access to social media because I worry about [kids’] constant usage, addictive qualities, and issues with friendships and relationships. The fact is that kids are growing up in an age where they can’t make a mistake without all their peers knowing about it. Mistakes are how we learn. Through my job, I’ve seen older young adults that have grown up in the age of phones and social media often have a hard time communicating, retaining information, and staying focused at work. 

I am nervous for them as they get older. It will be more accessible, I know that. I know I can’t shelter them forever. I worry about the hurt feelings. I think it is easier for people to be unkind behind a screen. I can teach them to deal with these feelings but these hurtful messages are so public. 

As a parent, I find it hard not to get excited about a message when I’m waiting to hear back from someone. There are times I have to give myself a break from the phone due to the constant overstimulation. I don’t think kids have this ability. I’ve been watching other families and parents navigate through this and I think the next few years, as we delve into middle school, will be different from what our family has seen so far. 

Dr. Rama Oskouian and her son.

Dr. Rama Oskouian

My son is 11 and goes to a small classical Christian school. He has no access to social media. He has no idea what TikTok is. But, at his school, they do talk about the impacts of social media and we talk about the broader question of what being online means, even though he doesn’t have a smartphone. I will say that in my dental practice I definitely see that kids’ friendships are impacted by these devices and social media. I notice in our office that all these kids are sitting waiting and constantly taking selfies with filters. Just yesterday, I had a patient tell me “This person is mad at me because I didn’t ‘like’ their picture” on social media. 

I don’t want my son to grow up feeling like his friends like him or don’t like him because of Facebook or Instagram or Tiktok. So, right now we are trying to teach Gregory that in the online world it is important to process what you see with your mind and heart. I tell him “God has given you a pure heart and sometimes you are going to witness things online that hurt your heart and change your perspective.” At the same time we are explaining to him that sometimes if you say something, you can’t take it back, especially online. A recent conversation went like this:

‘Here, let’s squeeze this toothpaste out. Now, Gregory, can you put it back in?’ 

‘Mom, I can’t. I can’t put it back in.’ 

‘Okay, Gregory. So you see, sometimes you might say something to your friends that might hurt their feelings, and you can’t take it back.’ 

I want my son to show acts of kindness. We are constantly reading about and practicing loving kindness and I hope that’s what he brings with him when he is old enough to access social media. I don’t know what age that will be for Gregory because everyone’s so different, right? I think it depends on his maturity in terms of his strong self-confidence and feelings of self-worth. When he does reach that point you can bet I am going to be that mom who really sets limits. 

We are trying to be healthy models for our son. I’m not very active in my phone use and I don’t post anything to get ‘likes.’ Hopefully, he perceives this and doesn’t see being ‘liked’ as a reason to be on it. I don’t even think I’m going to allow him to access TikTok at all. And frankly, I don’t believe kids need Facebook or Instagram. Maybe when he’s in high school, but not anytime soon.

For now, he is busy with a lot of activities. We think that’s important for kids. He does baseball, Boy Scouts, and basketball. He has after-school band and math club, he’s reading a lot, and we spend a lot of time together as a family. I think that’s what we as parents need to be promoting to our children – the importance of getting outdoors, getting oxygen, getting sunshine, and family time. Let’s empower our kids to use social media to promote kindness!

More at Seattle’s Chid:

The post 4 parents are bucking the trend appeared first on Seattle's Child.